This week…
August 9th, 2004 at 1:47 pm
…As you know, I was scheduled to have my ICD replaced on August 4th of last week. It didn’t happen the way it was planned. Instead I went through an ordeal that no one should ever have to go through.
On Sunday, the first of the month, I spent the day with my father at an All-Ford car show. He brought his Mustang and we spent three or four hours looking at some really gorgeous cars. Fully resored Shelby’s, Original `64 1/2 GTs, and some really tweaked 2004s.
When the show was over I drove to Sarah’s house and spent some time online. At around 6 o’clock I started making macaroni and cheese so that it would be done when she got home. As I was filling a pot with water I felt something.
BAM!
Imaging a horse, a big horse, with big metal shoes nailed to its feet. Then imagine that horse kicking you full in the chest. Now take that feeling and imaging what an electric shock that poweful would feel like. Throw in a bright blue flash, a snapping sound, and a gargled scream and you have a slight idea of what I felt just then.
I stood stunned for a half a second, then all of my muscles let go and I hit the ground like a sack of potatos.
What was that? Did I just get electrocuted? Wait. My ICD just went off. Whoa. That was intense. Should I call someone? I feel okay. Wow that was weird. Wow. Wow.
Then…
BAM!
Down I go again. At this point, I decided to call 911. I’d never called 911 before, let alone for myself. Trust me, it’s a really weird feeling. I dialed the numbers and put the phone to my ear.
Nothing…Stupid, I forgot to push TALK first. Okay push TALK, 911, dial 9…1…1…okay it’s ringing…
“911 emergency?”
“Help! I have an implanted defibrillator and..”
BAM!
“Augggrrhh!! It’s not stopping please send someone quickly! Oh God please make it stop!!!”
The dispatcher called an ambulance and I lay crumpled in a ball next to Sarah’s big blue recliner. I waited for it to arrive as my defibrillator gave me shock after shock after shock.
After what felt like an eternity, but probably was only a minute or so, I heard the siren. I crawled downstairs and unlocked the door. Sarah was just pulling in. I rode to CVPH (our hospital) in the ambulance and she followed behind, my dad met us there. The cardiologist on call that night had me transferered by Ambulance to Albany. On Tuesday Dr. Sosa-Suarez replaced my defibrillator and they let me go Wednesday afternoon. What happened in between could fill a book that I’m not prepared to write so if you really want to know e-mail me and I’ll tell you all about it.
The worst part:
When the doctors interrogated my device and downloaded the data from the episode the found that there was a malfunction. They said the device was “double-counting” my heart rate, which means that instead of reading a normal active heart rate of 105bpm, it was reading 210bpm. Hence, it gave me seven (yes, seven)”inappropriate” shocks before pronouncing me dead and giving up on me completely. At no time did I ever actually need to be defibrillated.
Since I’ve been home it’s been a struggle dealing with my new situation. For four years I had a device that I trusted to be there for me if I ever needed it. Then, all of a sudden, it turned on me. It was the scariest experience of my life. I know that now I have cutting edge technology, but that was also true four years ago when I had the first one put in. It’s not a pleasnt feeling to los efaith in a device that can cause you that much pain. It’s getting better every day but I’m still prone to the occasional panic attack. I plan on writing a piece called the Psychology of an Implantee.
When I can, I’ll post some pics of the souvenirs I got from my experience: The old defibrillator, my new scar, an xray of the device inside me, etc. Also, I have a post that was written during my hospital stay. Look for that and more coming soon!
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