My implant date has been scheduled for August fourth.  That’s when I’ll be getting a new Medtronic Maximo VR defibrillator.  Hot stuff.  You want to know the coolest thing?

 

They’re gonna’ let me keep the old one!

 

So here I present to you the top ten list of things to do with a $20,000 piece of used biomedical technology:

 

10: Prop up a shaky table.

9. Doorstop

8. Paperweight

7. John’s Hopkins bling-bling.

6. Fake Pager

5. Science Project

4. Chinese throwing defibrillator

3. Sell it to a competing company for a huge profit.

2. Two words: indoor hockey.

And the number one thing to do with a used defibrillator:

1. Rig it to a toilet seat and videotape the results.

I defy you think of a better list in under ten minutes…

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